


Twice the Strength, Twice the Power

by Smooty



Series: 2AceDoc Mature One-Shots [1]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Ace2Doc, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, References to Drugs, Relapsing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 00:11:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18200855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smooty/pseuds/Smooty
Summary: Murdoc doesn't like who he is sober





	Twice the Strength, Twice the Power

OK, so it hadn't been his best night. 

But it hadn’t been his worst night, not by a long-shot, and that was something, right? Murdoc gave a small depreciative laugh at himself as he sat leaning over to toilet bowl. The bathroom smelt like sick and sweat and every breath he took in made him want to puke whatever was left in his stomach out. He’d been at this for at least half-an-hour, had been sleeping fitfully before. And before that he’d been--

Well, he wasn’t too sure what he’d been up to, it was all a blur. But he knows the pounding behind his eyes and the ringing in his ears well enough to know it wasn’t good. Especially since he’d been trying to cut back, especially after he’d promised to give being sober a go.

The thing was, Murdoc wasn’t so sure he liked who he was when he was sober. Where before he’d been lively, prone to mood swings but generally active, sober he could feel the ache in his bones from age and the tiredness that came with years of substance abuse. He was less enthusiastic, less motived, less  _ everything. _ So maybe he should have seen his little binge last night coming. 

Oh, hold that thought, he was going to vomit again. There was hardly anything but bile in his stomach, but he heaved anyway. It made his eyes water and his chest ache in the worst ways. Satan he hoped he didn’t do something too stupid last night, didn’t fuck his body up beyond saving just as he was trying to save it. 

“Murdoc?” Flashes of last night accompanied that voice. A bottle of something dark, and argument, plates smashing and shouting. So it’s been that bad, had it?

Ace was leaning down beside him now, bare knees against the tile. He was wearing a pair of 2D’s boxers, the purple ones with little blue stars. Murdoc had told him he looked like a twat, but really he though the colour popped against his skin tone. 

“Lemme get you some water,” the younger bassist said, filling one of the variously used cups around the sink and holding it out. “Take a sip of that, alright?”

Murdoc did, spitting the first few gulps back out to wash his mouth. He finished the glass and let it clank to the floor, resting his head against the bathtub and his arm. 

“Thanks.” Was that it? Shouldn’t he be apologizing for last night? Why bother really, it wasn’t like he deserved the chance at forgiveness. 

_ If you don’t apologize, they can’t reject you. _

“Can you stand?” Ace asked, still hovering just to the side. Murdoc didn’t want to look up at him, didn’t want to pity so he shook his head no. Ace sighed and sat beside him, close enough to touch but not initiating anything. It hadn’t taken long for Ace to realize Murdoc didn’t like being touched without warning. 

They sat in silence with Murdoc retching every few minutes and Ace watching on with concern. It wasn’t long before he heard another set of footsteps outside the door. Please don’t be Stu, he thought, please not both of them at the same time.

“Oh, uh, hi!” Dammit. The singer stepped into the room and sat up on the counter, looming over both bassists on the floor. “You alrigh’, Murdoc?”

“Fantastic,” he spat out gruffly. The lights of the bathroom were too bright, the pressure to talk too much, his head felt like it was breaking in two. 

More of last night was coming back to him. After he’d thrown and smashed the dishes, Stu had walked in and begun trying to talk him down. The details were still fuzzy, but he had the distinct memory of his hands on the singer’s chest, pushing him away and into the doorway. 2D had cried out a little in pain, but Murdoc hadn’t cared. He was too busy stomping up the stairs, probably in search of more booze.

“We told you to slow down last night,” the singer sighed, twiddling his thumbs idly. Ace shot him a look but didn’t say anything in Murdoc's defence. He didn’t mind their bluntness, he deserved Stu’s ire. “I’ve got a bruise, you know.”

Murdoc groaned and sat up, gagging into the toilet for a final time before flushing the contents. Out of the corner of his eye he saw 2D’s eyes widen a little at the shake in Murdoc’s limbs.

“Stu…” What was he supposed to say? Fuck he’d promised to stop doing this, and then he’d gone and cocked it all up spectacularly. 

“Why don’t we get you back to bed, Murdoc. D, help me get him up.” 2D hopped down from the sink and Ace stood. They each looped an arm around him and got Murdoc on his feet. The older bassist tried his best to stand under his own power, but he’d used all of his strength getting to the loo in the first place. He let the two of them practically drag him back to his bedroom, and into his dirty bed. 

For a few seconds, the other two stood around aimlessly. Murdoc couldn’t blame them, a few months ago he would have snapped at them to get out and fuck off.

“D’you need anything?” 2D asked. Murdoc shrugged and rolled over away from them. Maybe they’d get the hint and leave him alone to wallow for a while, or maybe they’d finally get smart and leave him altogether. 

Unbeknownst to him, Stu and Ace shared a look. Of course, they knew what happened last night; they’d both been drunk too, but sober enough to know Murdoc’s behaviour had been bad. But they also knew the older bassist had been trying very hard to be a better person. 2D gave a tiny nod then gestured for Ace to get on the bed.

Murdoc felt Ace climb up onto his XL mattress. He crawled over so he was laying on his side in front of the Satanist, and was quickly followed by 2D laying down by Murdoc’s back. Their larger bodies bracketed Murdoc’s smaller one, caging him in and keeping him safe. It was a kind of comfort he didn’t feel he deserved in any way and that forced him to speak up. 

“What’re you doing?” he croaked, resisting the urge to give into their embrace. He didn’t have much choice though, Stu was wrapping an arm around his waist and Ace was leaning in, fanning his fingers out against his chest. 

“Isn’t it obvious? We’re holdin’ you,” Ace answered quietly, moving his hand up to cup Murdoc’s face. He resisted the urge to flinch away from the gentle touch. 

“But I--” he couldn’t finish, didn’t really know how to. Behind him, he felt 2D sigh and nuzzle closer. 

“We know, Muds. But we also know you’re sorry, and you’re tryin’ to do better.”

Ace nodded. “I know it’s hard, trust me I know. You’re not alone in this.”

Murdoc ducked his head. He knew he shouldn’t accept their forgiveness, that he hadn’t earned it at all. But he was so tired, and his chest still hurt but not nearly as much as his head. He could be weak just this once right? He was allowed to need things too. 

With trembling arms, he reached out to Ace, a sob building in his chest. 2D tightened his hold and began leaving little kisses against Murdoc’s neck. He felt so loved, so safe, so undeserving. 

“I-I-I’m s-sorry,” he sobbed into Ace’s chest. The younger bassist shushed him gently.

“We know babe, we know.”

“We love you Murdoc,” 2D hummed. Murdoc couldn’t answer, too overcome with an emotion he couldn’t pin down. It wrapped around his blackened heart like a balm, soften it. It made him cry harder. 

“I don’t--don’t deserve this,” he snivelled while watching the wet stain on Ace’s shirt grow. “I-I’m bad, I-I’m--”

Ace cut him off with a soft kiss. Murdoc inhaled sharply but melted anyways. “Murdoc,” Ace said after he pulled away, “everybody relapses, everybody has bad days.”

He was shaking his head as Stu piped up. “You remember how hard it was for me to get offa all those pills?” It’d been hell, holding the singer close through body-wracking shivers, or holding him down when the want for relief became too much. 

“But I hurt y-you,” Murdoc answered. He looked back over his shoulder at 2D with a teary gaze. “I p-promised I would never do t-that again and I  _ did. _ ”

Knowing how important this was, Stu took a few seconds to formulate a response. “You did hurt me, but I know you didn’t mean to. Ace thinks so too. I was a little tipsy and I lost my balance. You didn’t mean to push me that hard.”

“I didn’t, Stu, I swear I didn’t.”

“Then we’re OK,” 2D said it like it was easy, like it was a simple fact and not bogged down with years of baggage. Again, Murdoc didn’t have the energy to fight. All he could do was give in to their attempts to comfort him and offer whatever comfort he could provide in return. 

“Love you Doc,” Ace whispered, smiling. Murdoc let out a slight laugh, more a gasping grunt. “And I love you, Stu-Pot.”

The singer giggled as well and brushed one of his hands through Ace’s hair. “Love you too Acey, I’m glad we’re all here together.”

“Yeah,” Murdoc sighed, tired eyes closing as he listened to the singer talk. Ace and Stu noticed and they both smiled at the older man. They would be there for Murdoc when he needed it, just like he was there for them, for as long as possible. Especially if that meant getting to take more group naps. 


End file.
